I would like to start my message by saying: First of all, we have to make sure that the love we feel forourselves is good enough. Once that’s done, anyone that might come our way will be more valued and appreciated.
I am a firm believer of the saying “In order to love someone, we must love ourselves first” and I would add to it “no matter what”.
It seems to be our generation is losing the ability to fall and be in love. If we pay attention to the statistics, it is quite alarming to see that divorce rates are on the rise. We seem to be unable to keep a healthy relationship, and changing partners is becoming easier than changing our underwear.
I know we can’t generalise, however, if you speak to a friend, a colleague or an acquaintance you would hear stories of people who are single all the time, that have short-term relationships which can be considered just flings. On top of all these, romance is nowhere to be seen.
So the question is: Where has love gone? Where is that special one for every single one of us?
I did a bit of a research and I found a few valid reasons why we are losing the ability to love.
1 Instant gratification has become more relevant than anything else: Modern culture has driven us to have easy access to nearly about anything, and it is true that the easy we get things, the less we value them. The problem with instant gratification is that it can become a habit, extinguishing the so gratifying sense of achievement of a lasting relationship.
2 This sense of gratification can easily lead us to become more narcissistic and/or egocentric. We human tend to try to please ourselves first than others, which it’s fine, it’s human nature. The same way, we should love ourselves (self-esteem) first in order to love others. The problem with egocentrism is that we might lose empathy for others. When we concentrate only and mainly on ourselves, we will overlook the needs of our friends, partners and others, and it’s there when this patterns affect our relationship in a counterproductive way.
3 Technology in many ways has fooled us into believing perfection is achievable, but it is not and more so when it comes to human interactions. We will never ever have the perfect partner, boyfriend or husband. Our Iphones and laptops might function to perfection in so many ways, but we humans will always be imperfects and therefore prompt to making mistakes. We can buy a perfect app, but we will never find a perfect other half.
4 We seem to have forgotten to make love, we seem to want just sex. We are way too busy, to try to take the time to make love to our special person either date, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or partner. To please them, to connect with them not only in a sexual way, but also in a spiritual and psychological. Ask yourself this question, when was the last time you were engaged in love making way in such a profound way that the climax was so high to the extent that you lose yourself into your other half’s being?
5 Dating has become a sport. Sometimes some people date for the sake of it – mainly because they are bored and/or horny. When people date, they are supposed to have a special time to get to know each other as individuals, however, alcohol would more likely be part of the occasion, which in turn will take you to a different level which more likely be ending up in bed. Have drunken sex which more likely you won’t remember the next day and you will consider it meaningless. Needless to say, we would end up sleeping around.
6 We have become really bad at loving. We don’t seem to understand that love is complex, it has so many stages, and it’s mutable. Love is a beautiful feeling, yes. Relationships are challenging and the only resource we have to face those challenging is to be able or try to be understanding, open-minded and, more importantly, being sympathetic with our love ones. But we seem to give up so easily. Love is nothing to be ashamed of. Love is a beautiful feeling that truly feeds our soul, brain and heart. Love is the real reason we keep going.
Just remember this, every time your heart beats, it’s beating love, a feeling that you are capable of experiencing if we truly have the disposition for.
Next time I will discuss what we should do, or try to do, to keep love alive.