Somebody deleted you from Facebook...so what?

Facebook, and social media platform in general, allows us to communicate and connect with people in an instant way. We get to establish online "friendships" which can become powerful and sometimes even more than those we have in the real world.

We have become social media nutters, for various reasons, and we seem to be unable not to check what's happening in the world of Facebook on a daily basis (for some people on an hourly basis). Let's face it, Facebook is like our "social media bible".

We check on Facebook and we like stuff, make comments, read the news, say happy birthday etc… That's fine, it's fun. It's our online world. However, it doesn't become fun when one day, we realise we have been deleted by someone, and we don't know the reasons why - which can make our deletion reality more hurtful.

When I hear stories of people being hurt because they were deleted, blocked, not commented on and so on, I’ve come to the conclusion that one day we will have a psychological disorder called “Facebook-related drama disorders”

You were deleted…so what?

Don't allow such action to emotionally get you: In order to have an objective understanding, we should try to interpret such action by having an idea of how humans think and behave. It is important to have clear that humans only take actions of this kind when they get emotionally charged. So when somebody decides to delete you, that person clearly got emotionally affected by whatever you may have said or posted on your Fb status, therefore the only way they have to deal with it is by deleting you, and that's their issue, not yours. 

If they deleted you, you had power on them: A person would never delete you because they hate you (otherwise, they wouldn't have connected with you in the first place). Usually, they delete you after having some consideration, meaning they have thought about and paid attention a lot to you. Therefore, yes, in some ways, they have allowed you to have indirect power on them. Why? We don’t know, that question has to be answered by them.

Facebook world Vs real world: It is crucial to draw a well-defined line between our online world and real world. For some people, it is easier to have an online connection than a human one. Ironically, for some the "online barriers" allow them to have the courage to express themselves in a way they wouldn't do offline, for whatever reasons, shyness, introversion, fears, whatever. Basically, for them it’s easier to press ‘send’ than looking directly into your eyes. That’s the way it is.

Ask yourself two questions: When unfriended, are you more upset about being ‘unfriended’ or about the person who did it. If the answer it’s the first one, it means the person was not a real friend, anyway. A real friend would try to solve an issue with you offline, face to face and not on FB. We have to cop on!

Let’s pay attention to our own FB presence: Some research has shown that when we commit one of the ‘Facebook crimes’ we are most likely to be unfriended or even blocked. Those ‘crimes’ are: Over-posting, too many selfies, rude-offensive comments, self-adoration (this would be me), or anything else that would give some of your FB audience a feeling of discomfort. If you are one of those affected by being deleted, pay attention to these ‘crimes’. However, if you are like me that I don’t give a shit, use your page to commit as many ‘crimes’ as you like. And if they delete you, it’s because they couldn’t deal or cope with you - on Facebook.

One thing for sure, don’t stalk who has unfriended you, either try to recover their online friendship. You will look like a loser and will end up even more hurt.

Passive-aggressive:

When doing my research, I came across with an interesting article published by Psychology Today – which validates my opinion about the intention and behaviour behind the fact of being deleted on Facebook. The article outlines that “Unfriending is perhaps the ultimate passive-aggressive forms of rejection that doesn’t have a counterpart in the real world of relationships”. Therefore, It is important for us to be aware that the goal of passive-aggressive behaviour is to try to create a feeling of discomfort on us. However, it’s totally down to us to allow them to reach their goal.

 Lastly, life can be harsh and we are prompt to face rejection, for different reasons, off and online. So it is paramount to recognise how well-equipped we are to successfully face rejection. It is important to understand that the way we deal with the hardships life might throw at us, says more about us than life itself.

So the next time, you are deleted, blocked or face any kind of rejection, think of all of the above  and if it doesn’t work, just apply the easiest way to deal with it by saying “Fuck it”.

Marlon/Marlife

Don't give up on love - Part 2

They say that when we stop looking for it, we will find it, which can be true. However,  I still believe we all should have the disposition to welcome someone into our lives, a new friend, a new acquaintance and of course, a new person who can potentially be our partner.

There are so many reasons why not to give up on love, and I’d like to outline a few.

First of all, giving up on love means you might be giving up being in love with yourself, and as I mentioned on Part 1 – the usual cliché, I know - in order to love someone, we must be in love with ourselves, FIRST.

Don’t give up on love because people already love you. If you pay attention and make a list of all the people in your life who truly care for you, you will be surprised.

If you give up on love, you won’t be able to focus on the love you already have. When we truly pay attention to the love we are surrounded by, life seems to capture a different bright colour. Yes, life is busy and gets in the way, making us to forget that good feelings come in all sorts of forms. It’s like when you work in a beautiful place, you go there every day and are too busy to pay attention to the beautiful surroundings. Then one day, for some reason you stop, look around and your instant thought is “this place is rather nice”.

Don’t give up on love because you see your friends having dates, getting married, getting laid, are popular on dating web sites, their lives do not have to do anything with yours. If you compare yourself with someone else’s “luck in life”, you might feel you are “unlucky” – which is not a healthy feeling at all. Try to live your own life based on what it’s important and relevant to YOU!

A HUGE mistake we tend to make is when we focus on the “bad” things our date or partners have, we should instead concentrate on those qualities that make that person  special and unique. We will never have the perfect one, and even though relationships of any kind can be challenging, there is enormous emotional, psychological and personal reward attached to try to overcome those challenges together. Let’s put it this way, think about the “bad” qualities you possess yourself, right? Well…you are still yourself and I bet you deep down, you are able to love yourself. We should apply this when it comes to our other half.

Don’t give up on love because no one is good enough for you. If no one is good for us, we should evaluate our choices in order to try to find the reasons what’s “wrong” with us that keep making the same mistake. The issue is not the person we chose, but the actual reasons of our choices.

When it comes to practicality, do not give up on love because of your own lack of honesty when presenting yourself. This comes to the dating-site users. Be real, be honest, be you. Don’t be using a dated picture of fifteen years ago, unless you currently look amazingly well as fifteen years ago. If we are going to be rejected, so be it, but for the right reasons, not because you were pretending to be something or someone you are not.

If you face rejection for the right reasons, there is a lesson to be learnt in that. The strength and maturity we obtain from being open about how we think and feel is priceless. Don’t feel you have wasted your time, it is always exciting to embark on the adventure of meeting someone new to try to stablish a human connection with.

I would like to finish my message by saying I am not trying to play cupid, or trying to sort people’s love life out. I am not a love expert, I am not an expert in any field. I am just a person whose life has been shaped by good and bad experiences.  Sometimes I think we are only kidding ourselves if we say “I’m giving up on love” BULSHIT! We were born to love and to be loved. To give up on love, would mean we are giving up about all the good things – on a daily basis - life has to offer.

Opportunities will be knocking on your heart doors, all you need to have is the genuine disposition to open those doors to welcome them. Don’t be ashamed, you are not needy or clingy or desperate, you are only human, and we humans are capable of love, capable of enjoying that wonderful feeling which is the vessel that feeds our blood to keep our heart pumping.

So, do not give up on love!

Marlon/Marlife