Sometimes, the hook ups on Grindr are as unbelievable as finding a guy from The Republic of Congo with a dick-size below 8inch.
Typical Sunday afternoon, after a night out, both guys very hangover, decided to go on Grindr to find a hook up to kill their hangover horn. SouthA Hungry Boy
living in Swords, the other, NorthA Guy
living in Wicklow. Quite a distance, but when you are hangover and horny you travel any distance and more so if the target tells you he is a top with a big horn.
Usual start of a Grindr chat
NorthA Guy: Hey buddy what u up to?
SouthA Hungry Boy: Hangover and horny. U - Top or bottom?
NorthA Guy: Hanging, too. I'm top - vers
SouthA Guy: Cool me too
NorthA Guy: How hung?
SouthA Hungry Boy: Just over 8inch n U?
NorthA Guy: about the same - Uncut
SouthA Hungry Boy : Yummy - How old? I'm 23 - fit body
NorthA Guy: I'm 37, average bod, you into older
SouthA Hungry Boy: Dont mind age if u body is Ok
The chat continues with them exchanging pics and describing in more detail their sexual preferences.
An English student, SouthA Hungry Boy
couldn't travel as far as Wicklow, but NorthA Guy
with a BMW in his garage offered to travel so that he would have the fuck of his life. SouthA Hungry Boy
was delighted when his housemates told him they were going to go to the Phoenix Park as they wanted to see the deer. He went in his head "BINGO".
They both couldn't believe everything was working out to an 8inch erection. Sorry...perfection!
NorthA Guy: I can be in your place in the next 2 hours - need to fresh up and stuff.
SouthA Hungry Boy: yes, perfect - me too
As they both said they were "Tops/vers", they needed to "fresh up and stuff", meaning they have to clean their bums as god knows what could happen. You always have to be ready and more so if the weapon in question is an over 8inch and/or about the same thing.
With a cinnamon skin-color and a nice body to go with, SouthA Hungry Boy
tried his best to have something good to offer. NorthA Guy
with a nice white skin -color, tried his best to offer what...OMG - wait till you see.
Horny anticipation building-up - Both nervous and horny could not wait to see each other and play.
SouthA Hungry Boy: Nearly here?
NorthA Guy: Yes, just around the corner
Doorbell rings, SAHB
opens the door to see what he thought it was Santa Claus, not because of NAG's
body size, but because of the length of his beard. SAHB
immediate mental reaction was "Did I not say I'm only into smooth?' Despite this first huge disappointment, he still invites him into the house thinking "How the hell I'm gonna get out of this'?
sits down, put his left on the sofa and - maybe from nervousness - farts loudly and smelly. A true killing smell. SAHB
couldn't believe such apocalyptic sound just happened. NAG
appologised, yet stated that farting is 'OK'.
Things were not going according to plan at all, but SAHB
boy thought that by being honest, NAG
would decide to leave so he says 'You don't look like in your pics and I told you I was into smooth only" NAG
says 'I can shave here if you allow me to' S C A R L E T
for him. SAHB
agrees, thinking that after all, at this stage, he just needed to kill his hangover horn and he'd come quickly.
not only needed to shave his beard, but also his ass - which was like a forest, and when you have that amount of hair down there, just imagine the picture.
As he gets out of the shower, goes to the living room and just goes down on SAHB
quite mechanically. And this is when one realise desperation is not a good friend. SAHB
having said he was 'Top/vers' tried to get his mouth busy by trying to give NAG
a good blowjob, but there was not an 8inch to be found. His little finger was bigger than that poor man's manhood. V I L E
|NorthA Guy before shaving|
says 'Sorry but this is not working out. You said you were top/vers and you are not. That you have an over 8inch dick and you don't' NAG
'Sorry I lied, but I'm only bottom' SAHB
'You have to go' NAG
'Yes, I will, sorry for all this, but please just come in my mouth first' NAG
'OK, let me sit back'
And that can be Grindr for you.
If you have a funny Grindr, Tinder story, or any story that involves sex, and would like to anonymously share it, send it to me and I will do it for you. I will keep your identity private - Of course - Let's have a laugh.