Thursday, 2 April 2020

I can tell you where mine came from...

The more we live, the more we learn and the more we learn, the more we love ourselves. This is my mantra.

When I was a little boy a group of my friends - neighbours - organised a party and, for not reason, they didn't invite me  (now thinking back, that's what is called passive-agressive bullying). I was very upset and my Mother was very annoyed and also upset for me.

As I was looking over the fence, crying, they saw me and "felt" sorry for me and asked to join them. My mother was aware of what was going on. As I was going to make the move, she came over to me and said "You are not going to that party. They had you upset and you are not a second-hand plate." I begged her to let me go, but she was having none of it and said "Absolutely not, have some dignity, have some respect. You are not going."

I still have that very powerful moment with me. That moment still lives in me. That's where my dignity comes from. I still wonder, why such an infantile dynamic meant something for her, we were only kids, but she took it to her heart and, of course, made a very powerful lesson for life moment for me.

This is why I always put me first. Even in my marriage, I alwasy put me first. This is not selfishness, it is the ability to avail your own emotional resources first and then transfer them onto others, if it is possible.

Having dignity is the reason why people with bully tendencies  do not try to bully me because I am well able to lay down my bounderies of self-respect, and I would make them known and noticed.

The reason I am explaining this is because I recently published a post on my Facebook called "Dysfunctional friends" and it received an OK reaction so I wanted to explain why my dignity is the centre of who I am.

You can read my Facebook post below after my signature or go to my Facebook page.

Thanks for reading.


Some self-reflections to be shared.

It is true that human interactions can be challenging, because we are human, but I still think that in those interactions our diginity and self-esteem should always prevail.
For example, you should be wise enough to discern what a real friend is. A real friend do not try to put you down to up themselves. A real friend do not talk behind your back to other people about you or support others who do because this behaviour makes them complicit. A real friend do not tell others about your flaws and shortcomings. A friend is not someone who is jealous of others. For example, a real friend doesn't tell you or others you have an unhealthy eating problem and when they were saying it they were in McDonald's. Seriously!!!
I know sometimes those "friends" are only projecting their own unhappiness and internal discomfort, but that's their issue, not yours.
And let me tell you something, I am proud enough to say that I teach people to treat me the way I should be treated, and that’s due to my strong self-esteem.
One of the many virtues my loving Mother instilled in me was dignity and self-respect which translate my very solid self-esteem - which is why I do not have space in my life for the kind of 'friends' I just described above. It will be a dysfunctional "firendship".
Two last things: 1) Remember that bullies exist only if we allow them to bully us and 2) I feel I am honoring my Mother's memory every time I close the door to those who don't deserve to be in my life. If you have a toxic person in your life, get rid of them immediately . They are not worth it.

On that note: Keep loving and keep safe ❤️